~ramblings triggered by lesson 14~

Lesson 14

“God did not create a meaningless world…”

Duh! How could all meaning, create meaninglessness? So, what is not of God must be a dream. This little tidbit (critical though it was/is) was not easy for me to allow revealing itself to me, let alone accepting. Yet the unmistakable significance beneath all seeming reality manifest as this world of form, is that “God is” … (ah, the still peace of that simple, all powerful recognition)… yummy, yes…. And within this Is-ness that is God, is all that is, yes? And God is love, yes…. Just breath, feel it. Yep, it’s unmistakable… formless, limitless, ever-present/eternally-now… OK, so, whatever isn’t this experience~ really simply isn’t… isn’t ‘real’ but merely an image within the dream of impossibility; the dream of separation from Source. Right now it seems so apparent ~ the grand illusion~ and the all of it is what is referred to here as meaningless. Of course it’s meaningless, all meaning lies in reality. God did not create that which God is not, so the world where the experience God is not, is meaningless. God did not create it. The world I seem to see was created to divert attention from the truth of what I am as God created me…(I am God’s Son; complete and healed and whole…). God did not create Danét… so it is not real… whatever it is I think I think, or perceive in this world, all my design, all equally ‘not real’… self concept …not real…all equally meaningless. The Atonement was God’s answer to the tiny mad idea that spawned the dream of the separated and alone… placing indelibly within the Son’s mind, the Holy Spirit’s perfect re-membering of the truth and understanding of God’s plan for salvation; ‘the beckoning wake-up call of love’. I have heard the call and I have answered. And now I have but one choice within this so-called life of Danét. Which guide/voice will I listen to: Love or fear? ~it is the choice for purpose; the choice to host God or play hostage to ego dictates… for meaning or meaninglessness…

“I am responsible for what I see.

I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide

Upon the goal I would achieve.

And everything that seems to happen to me

I ask for, and receive as I have asked.”

This is my responsibility and I accept it gladly for in it I have found all freedom and the peace of God. Somewhere, fundamentally deep within, and as me, I am listening, knowing, being… always ~already~, awake…recognizing the Truth.

I love how the Course is always looping back on the main idea of cause and effect. God being cause ~ we the effect ~ that ideas never leave their source. ‘God created His Sons by extending His Thought, and retaining the extensions of his Thought in His Mind. All His thoughts are thus perfectly united within themselves and with each other.’ (T-6.II.8: 1-2) Thank you for our rejoining in the still peace of God and His holy Son. I love you forever and ever~

~From meaninglessness to miracles~thoughts with lesson 13~

Lesson 13:

“A meaningless world engenders fear….” What does this mean? Okay, meaningless… Wholly @#*! The idea of meaninglessness rises to mind the question of my little existence, what value it has, hell even its validity or reality at all. Of course that’s a threat to the idea of self dreamed up separate from the truth of being where one can reside soundly in reality. Hell yeah, it’s a threat to recognize that all that gave me reason to fight and struggle, make better and win~ was meaningless. To give up every idea I ever had of what life was; every belief and value ever held. Surely I too, would be meaningless, yes?

The first time I did the lessons, I remember I thought something to the effect of “Yeah, well maybe if I had a negative spin on things like so many people do, but I don’t, thank god, I see mostly the good…” (Competition with God ~ self authorship) I look at that now and I recognized the ego ‘sidestepping denial technique’, a rose-colored glasses perspective designed to avoid even the idea of fear. The idea of total meaninglessness was horrifically terrifying to me. Yet I was completely oblivious to this. So far from any awareness I had to keep it from myself~ too small and fragile was my ‘self’ esteem, too tenuous was my significance in this world ~in my so-called life, which I couldn’t afford to relax a bit. “Had to strive… become a better person… show God I was serious, and appreciative, and a good student’. I didn’t see the set up then… the fear of meaninglessness, let alone the meaningless world, and certainly not the competition with God ~which when I did glimpse it rendered me crippled with guilt. I was a good path for me.
Turns out; none of it meant anything. But, my willingness to trust the Holy Spirit by way of this Course, my gradual willingness to be wrong; to question every thing I ever thought or believed, and my willing to be shown another way and then to practice it, regardless of my personal reactions to it… ~this has been enough…
At some point I became profoundly aware that every upset, from the slightest confusion, irritation, bored resistance, to “knowing” what I “prefer” were confusion about authorship. And, always, with my willingness to look straight on at the seeming situation, I realized no real facts comprised it… only the desperate demands of a spoiled, frightened ego-child afraid to see the truth for fear of losing the ‘seeming security’ of being right about the images and they’re seeming meaning that frailly strung them together to give the illusion of a solid world. Always, this loss of peace stemmed from the belief that I was in competition with God. My “little willingness” to be wrong…showed the instability of a foundation based in “belief” rather than truth which is always solid, immovable and unchanging ~waiting for my recognition of it ~ my Self ~ Love, as God created me. Thank God.

More and more I see evidence in the world of the only thing that could be true, I am as God Created me, and you and I are one. The Peace of God is in our very make up. Being fathered by God, how could it possibly be made of some thing else… No~only God. Only the desire to author myself and reality … to “specialize” myself, could make it seem so. It feels so good, no; right, to finally forgive this arrogant competition with God.... It’s nearly comical to look at it now … like watching little children acting like they ‘know everything’, like; “you’re not the boss of me…!”
Ummm~talk about a shift in perception ~thank you, God; “my so-called life is nothing short of a miracle the holy shift from meaningless-mindedness to miracle-mindedness. What a miracle.
The section in the workbook called “What Is a Miracle?” keeps surfacing in my mind, so apropos… Take a gander if it suits you: http://www.truthbook.com/sacredtexts/ACIM/Workbook.html#P2_13

All of life needs a source to exist and it is impossible that perfect love ~LIFE ~ could mutate into fearful, inevitable death. What a relief to see this folly, ~ Talk about peace…aahh, peace, this is my natural state. Here, I am at home. And you are there with me because there is no such animal as aloneness ~ in oneness. It’s so simply obvious … LOVE IS ALL THERE IS ~and if for a second I don’t see it, I just close my eyes and zero in on the still point of light at the center of my mind, from which I draw out the world, I feel the deep peace and abiding joy of my Self, ~and Love itself expands, beaconing me to extend… Love whispers, “draw this world” ~ and as I open my eyes, I see… Such is the yummy nature of “choosing once again. “

~aah, ~allowing the truth of lesson 12~

Lesson 12:

“I am upset because I see a meaningless world”…

What keeps going through my mind is how true it is that all my upset is really due to my resistance to resting in meaninglessness, having ask the Holy Spirit for meaning; “What is this? What is it for?” and then waiting in patience, in the eternal present for meaning to be written for me…as the lesson says, “What is meaningless is neither good nor bad. Why, then, should a meaningless world upset you? If you could accept the world as meaningless and let the truth be written upon it for you, it would make you indescribably happy. But because it is meaningless, you are impelled to write upon it what you would have it be. It is this you see in it. It is this that is meaningless in truth. Beneath your words is written the Word of God.”

I notice the compulsion to assign meaning ~ The Course says the ego speaks first and loudly~ will I question what I hear? A few years ago, as I began to really be honest with myself, I came to see that I really didn’t care about anything in this ‘world’. It really didn’t matter to me how things went, or what situations seemed to be…I could wait and see…and…this is when I began to notice how vigilant the voice for the ego was in my mind; always on a mission to assign meaning ~ the lengths it would go to convince me I ‘should’ care about this, that…something, anything… It’s my life we’re talkin’ about here after all , isn’t it. Is it? I noticed that if I took orders from and acted on the compulsion, the ‘thing’ did seem real and something I did care about going a certain way. And the world felt real indeed, and eventually led to my feeling small; ‘not significant enough’ to make any impact. This in turn left me feeling exhausted… And, paradoxically, open once again, to choose again. This in turn, brought me back to a state of peace. So it turns out, the “not caring” is a very high state. One in which the burden of this world of form and consequence, is lifted. It can’t but go the way it’s meant to. The script is written…. I but choose to see with love or fear; with trust or worry; alone or as One Mind… So once I choose with the Holy Spirit within my mind, I find, I don’t really care at all about what seemingly goes on. I don’t really believe it real…all that really matters is the happy exchange of love surrounding me~ the opportunity to extend love, the call for love and hear it for what it really is…love~ It is all the same…all the same…only love matters. Love is what we are, after all… Only love… and the mechanism of forgiveness is the instrument which returns me to my right mind. So, one could say, that it turns out ‘forgiveness offers everything we want’.

So now, when I notice the compulsion to assign meaning, (one can easily tell by the loss of peace, a sort of free floating restlessness), more often than not, before I make it real, make it matter, decide what to ‘do’ about it, (or more quickly, anyway), I simply forgive what never really happened and see beyond to the call for love. Then simply ask… wait, and listen for the Truth… and ahhh…peace. I see the truth reflected all around me, springing from the well of peace deep within me. And my mind is open to a different world. And from here, I watch… I see how every one is doing their part, and gratitude abounds. Just like the lesson today says, “The truth upsets you now, but when your words have been erased, you will see His. That is the ultimate purpose of these exercises.” So there it is… Thank you my brothers who are one with me ~ ‘sailin’ peacefully on Love ~

~umm... contemplationshare~ lesson 11

Lesson 11:

“My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world…”

My mind keeps referencing early sections of the Course~ the part where it (Jesus) is saying to watch your mind carefully…

“It has never really entered your mind to give up every idea you ever had that opposes knowledge. You retain thousands of little scraps of fear that prevent the Holy One from entering. Light cannot penetrate through the walls you make to block it, and it is forever unwilling to destroy what you have made. No one can see through a wall, but I can step around it. Watch your mind for the scraps of fear, or you will be unable to ask Me to do so... watch carefully and see what it is you are really asking for. Be very honest with yourself in this, for we must hide nothing from each other. If you will really try to do this, you have taken the first step toward preparing your mind for the Holy One to enter. We will prepare for this together, for once He has come, you will be ready to help Me to make other minds ready for Him. How long will you deny Him His Kingdom?

…Watch your mind for the temptations of the ego, and do not be deceived by it. It offers you nothing. When you have given up this voluntary dis-spiriting, you will see how your mind can focus and rise above fatigue and heal. Yet you are not sufficiently vigilant against the demands of the ego to disengage yourself. This need not be.

The habit of engaging with God and His creations is easily made if you actively refuse to let your mind slip away. The problem is not one of concentration; it is the belief that no one, including yourself, is worth consistent effort. Side with me consistently against this deception, and do not permit this shabby belief to pull you back. The disheartened are useless to themselves and to me, but only the ego can be disheartened…Watch your mind carefully for any beliefs that hinder its accomplishment, and step away from them. Judge how well you have done this by your own feelings, for this is the one right use of judgment. Judgment, like any other defense, can be used to attack or protect; to hurt or to heal. The ego SHOULD be brought to judgment and found wanting there. Without your own allegiance, protection and love, the ego cannot exist. Let it be judged truly and you must withdraw allegiance, protection and love from it. (T4.III-IV)

I remember the horrid self-debasement I put myself through for my lack of discipline, for my addiction to “being” the character in the script, for ‘seeing’ it theoretically and yet completely caught up in the dream… whipped by it. God, how I have wished that something ‘out there’ could shoulder the burden of my feelings of uselessness and imperfection and hopelessness…but there’s nothing out there. Having given everything all the meaning it has for me and having projected it ‘out there’ has resulted in the futile exercise of trying to rearrange the figures on the screen. And seeing that this attempt has never changed a thing, the only thing left to do has been what the Course suggests...In every situation, ask “what is this for?’…Then wait, watch and listen.

It has been these simple lessons that have placed me in this excellent seat in the audience of the show “My So Called Life’.

It’s so interesting (from where I seem to be right now) to observe my seeming world with its seeming thoughts; to notice the compulsion to make it ‘the real thing’. I watch the shifting, changing landscape and characters and opinions. What a Show! I laugh out loud… So capricious is this serious character, ‘the hero of the dream”. I feel the still, silent prayer of gratitude for having the ‘best seat in the house’ to watch this production from. ~I weep… I laugh…I forgive…

We’re in this together, you and I, and we are not alone. I am joined with you in the joyous realization of the Truth~ you and I are One~

~contemplating lesson 10...

Lesson 10:

My thoughts do not mean anything…

How true this is in this world, from within this, my, thought system. ~Talk about disillusioning~ All the “all important” thinking about what to be, to do, to say, what I should have said, what ‘they’re’ thinking, what ‘they’re’ feeling, what happened, what should have happened, what’s going to happen if, if not…blah, blah, blah… All said and done, what happened to it? Where did it go? Only to be replaced by the next ‘important’ thought ~ the one similarity being that each has the purpose of defining the world for me (and often others in my mind) and of defining my self. It is merely a distraction from my real purpose ~ a delay in time, which too, means nothing.

“I do not know the thing I am, and therefore do not know what I am doing, where I am, or how to look upon the world or on myself.” (T-31.V.17.7)

…This idea will help release me from all that I now believe…

At times I have felt so defeated and stupid, and at a loss to ever “get it” The Light of recognition I experienced immediately in the Course that brought me home for an instant has been the beacon at these times. Yet the development of pervasive, persistent habit of engaging with God through choosing to listen to the Holy Spirit, watch my mind and question every value and belief, has been the mainstay. As the course says:

“To learn this course requires willingness to question every value that you hold. Not one can be kept hidden and obscure but it will jeopardize your learning. No belief is neutral. Every on has the power to dictate each decision you make. For a decision is a conclusion based on everything that that you believe.” (T-24.2: 1-5)

And my willingness has been enough (and really, all I have to offer, it turns out).

I have become willing to see ~ and allow my real thoughts, of which I can’t define, but do observe through relationships ~in peace and joy and oneness.

The need to think I think, to define, to plan, etc. has eased up. And it has become more automatic to come to life with an ‘open mind’ and empty hands.

Alas~ so much lovelier ~

(…and of course these thoughts don’t mean any thing …but, ah, I do love this feeling, sharing them with you)

You are my thought of love, forever and ever ~

~seeing /perceiving lesson 9

Lesson 9:

“I see nothing as it is now…”

While considering this a.m.’s lesson, the following passages from the text spoke out to me. Sharing them now seems apropos …

“Thoughts begin in the mind of the thinker, from which the reach outward. This is as true of God’s Thinking as it is of yours. Because your mind is split, you can perceive as well as think. Yet perception cannot escape the basic laws of mind. You perceive from your mind and project you perceptions outward.” (T-6.11.9: 1-5)

“What you project or extend is real for you.”(T. 7.11.2: 4)

”…what you project of extend is up to you, but you must do one or the other, for that is the law of mind, and you must look in before you look out. As you look in, you choose the guide for seeing (ego or Holy Spirit). And then you look out and behold his witnesses. (T-12.VII.7: 1-3)

It’s so true that everything in this world reinforces itself. It does, as well, I am seeing, when the state of mind is Heaven. Part of the very foundation of the Course, referred to, as a fundamental law of the mind, is, that “ideas leave not their source.” So, the content of God’s thought is Love and we are the extension of that Love. Here, within the dream of separation, the content of the ego thought system starts with separation and can only separate; the split mind can only split. So, this dynamic is called projection when it reflects the ego, which in contrast to the dynamic belonging to spirit, which is extension. It has seemed to my split mind that it has been relatively easy to grasp this concept, theoretically. But then, as I have given myself over more and more to the miracle, and suspended ‘knowing or understanding’ what anything means, long enough for a new interpretation, I have experienced the validity of these two exclusive systems. The miracle reveals itself as a new perception in a myriad of ways. Everything I thought mattered, thought I valued, thought was significant, no longer exists. Let alone the passionate ‘right’-ness I felt about it all and felt required to have. I can hardly remember, nor relate to that reality. Only the vaguest shadow of this self-importance remains; always useful as a symbol to unite through forgiveness.

I am united with you as the Love, which created us as Love…forever, always, now…

~Lesson 8 musings~

Lesson 8:

My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts...

I have noticed that thoughts happen ~ It is futile to attempt to try to control them. Through practicing the principles of the Course, and observing ‘my’ seeming thoughts, I see that the only choice is “purpose”. Either the never-ending borage of past thoughts, (or nothingness); accompanied by the background feeling of urgency, anxiety, guilt, fear, need to control, prepare, plan ~ (in other words ~ separation). Even the so- called ‘happy thoughts’ have this low under-current.

Or, I choose to allow the Holy Spirit to think for me. I am happily aware of this choice due to the obvious absence of the above listed set of feeling ‘background music’. Rather, a song of joy, certainty and trust, a sense of One tapestry…released from the burden of ‘separate’ things, situations, people, problems and solutions, of having to know, understand, solve, ‘do the right thing’. With the Holy Spirit we can’t but do the right thing~ and, trust will settle everything, now…

OnemindinChrist~