Saturday, January 12, 2008

~aah, ~allowing the truth of lesson 12~

Lesson 12:

“I am upset because I see a meaningless world”…

What keeps going through my mind is how true it is that all my upset is really due to my resistance to resting in meaninglessness, having ask the Holy Spirit for meaning; “What is this? What is it for?” and then waiting in patience, in the eternal present for meaning to be written for me…as the lesson says, “What is meaningless is neither good nor bad. Why, then, should a meaningless world upset you? If you could accept the world as meaningless and let the truth be written upon it for you, it would make you indescribably happy. But because it is meaningless, you are impelled to write upon it what you would have it be. It is this you see in it. It is this that is meaningless in truth. Beneath your words is written the Word of God.”

I notice the compulsion to assign meaning ~ The Course says the ego speaks first and loudly~ will I question what I hear? A few years ago, as I began to really be honest with myself, I came to see that I really didn’t care about anything in this ‘world’. It really didn’t matter to me how things went, or what situations seemed to be…I could wait and see…and…this is when I began to notice how vigilant the voice for the ego was in my mind; always on a mission to assign meaning ~ the lengths it would go to convince me I ‘should’ care about this, that…something, anything… It’s my life we’re talkin’ about here after all , isn’t it. Is it? I noticed that if I took orders from and acted on the compulsion, the ‘thing’ did seem real and something I did care about going a certain way. And the world felt real indeed, and eventually led to my feeling small; ‘not significant enough’ to make any impact. This in turn left me feeling exhausted… And, paradoxically, open once again, to choose again. This in turn, brought me back to a state of peace. So it turns out, the “not caring” is a very high state. One in which the burden of this world of form and consequence, is lifted. It can’t but go the way it’s meant to. The script is written…. I but choose to see with love or fear; with trust or worry; alone or as One Mind… So once I choose with the Holy Spirit within my mind, I find, I don’t really care at all about what seemingly goes on. I don’t really believe it real…all that really matters is the happy exchange of love surrounding me~ the opportunity to extend love, the call for love and hear it for what it really is…love~ It is all the same…all the same…only love matters. Love is what we are, after all… Only love… and the mechanism of forgiveness is the instrument which returns me to my right mind. So, one could say, that it turns out ‘forgiveness offers everything we want’.

So now, when I notice the compulsion to assign meaning, (one can easily tell by the loss of peace, a sort of free floating restlessness), more often than not, before I make it real, make it matter, decide what to ‘do’ about it, (or more quickly, anyway), I simply forgive what never really happened and see beyond to the call for love. Then simply ask… wait, and listen for the Truth… and ahhh…peace. I see the truth reflected all around me, springing from the well of peace deep within me. And my mind is open to a different world. And from here, I watch… I see how every one is doing their part, and gratitude abounds. Just like the lesson today says, “The truth upsets you now, but when your words have been erased, you will see His. That is the ultimate purpose of these exercises.” So there it is… Thank you my brothers who are one with me ~ sailin’ peacefully on Love ~

Friday, January 11, 2008

~umm... contemplationshare~ lesson 11

Lesson 11:

“My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world…”

My mind keeps referencing early sections of the Course~ the part where it (Jesus) is saying to watch your mind carefully…

“It has never really entered your mind to give up every idea you ever had that opposes knowledge. You retain thousands of little scraps of fear that prevent the Holy One from entering. Light cannot penetrate through the walls you make to block it, and it is forever unwilling to destroy what you have made. No one can see through a wall, but I can step around it. Watch your mind for the scraps of fear, or you will be unable to ask Me to do so... watch carefully and see what it is you are really asking for. Be very honest with yourself in this, for we must hide nothing from each other. If you will really try to do this, you have taken the first step toward preparing your mind for the Holy One to enter. We will prepare for this together, for once He has come, you will be ready to help Me to make other minds ready for Him. How long will you deny Him His Kingdom?

…Watch your mind for the temptations of the ego, and do not be deceived by it. It offers you nothing. When you have given up this voluntary dis-spiriting, you will see how your mind can focus and rise above fatigue and heal. Yet you are not sufficiently vigilant against the demands of the ego to disengage yourself. This need not be.

The habit of engaging with God and His creations is easily made if you actively refuse to let your mind slip away. The problem is not one of concentration; it is the belief that no one, including yourself, is worth consistent effort. Side with me consistently against this deception, and do not permit this shabby belief to pull you back. The disheartened are useless to themselves and to me, but only the ego can be disheartened…Watch your mind carefully for any beliefs that hinder its accomplishment, and step away from them. Judge how well you have done this by your own feelings, for this is the one right use of judgment. Judgment, like any other defense, can be used to attack or protect; to hurt or to heal. The ego SHOULD be brought to judgment and found wanting there. Without your own allegiance, protection and love, the ego cannot exist. Let it be judged truly and you must withdraw allegiance, protection and love from it. (T4.III-IV)

I remember the horrid self-debasement I put myself through for my lack of discipline, for my addiction to “being” the character in the script, for ‘seeing’ it theoretically and yet completely caught up in the dream… whipped by it. God, how I have wished that something ‘out there’ could shoulder the burden of my feelings of uselessness and imperfection and hopelessness…but there’s nothing out there. Having given everything all the meaning it has for me and having projected it ‘out there’ has resulted in the futile exercise of trying to rearrange the figures on the screen. And seeing that this attempt has never changed a thing, the only thing left to do has been what the Course suggests...In every situation, ask “what is this for?’…Then wait, watch and listen.

It has been these simple lessons that have placed me in this excellent seat in the audience of the show “My So Called Life’.

It’s so interesting (from where I seem to be right now) to observe my seeming world with its seeming thoughts; to notice the compulsion to make it ‘the real thing’. I watch the shifting, changing landscape and characters and opinions. What a Show! I laugh out loud… So capricious is this serious character, ‘the hero of the dream”. I feel the still, silent prayer of gratitude for having the ‘best seat in the house’ to watch this production from. ~I weep… I laugh…I forgive…

We’re in this together, you and I, and we are not alone. I am joined with you in the joyous realization of the Truth~ you and I are One~

Thursday, January 10, 2008

~contemplating lesson 10...

Lesson 10:

My thoughts do not mean anything…

How true this is in this world, from within this, my, thought system. ~Talk about disillusioning~ All the “all important” thinking about what to be, to do, to say, what I should have said, what ‘they’re’ thinking, what ‘they’re’ feeling, what happened, what should have happened, what’s going to happen if, if not…blah, blah, blah… All said and done, what happened to it? Where did it go? Only to be replaced by the next ‘important’ thought ~ the one similarity being that each has the purpose of defining the world for me (and often others in my mind) and of defining my self. It is merely a distraction from my real purpose ~ a delay in time, which too, means nothing.

“I do not know the thing I am, and therefore do not know what I am doing, where I am, or how to look upon the world or on myself.” (T-31.V.17.7)

…This idea will help release me from all that I now believe…

At times I have felt so defeated and stupid, and at a loss to ever “get it” The Light of recognition I experienced immediately in the Course that brought me home for an instant has been the beacon at these times. Yet the development of pervasive, persistent habit of engaging with God through choosing to listen to the Holy Spirit, watch my mind and question every value and belief, has been the mainstay. As the course says:

“To learn this course requires willingness to question every value that you hold. Not one can be kept hidden and obscure but it will jeopardize your learning. No belief is neutral. Every on has the power to dictate each decision you make. For a decision is a conclusion based on everything that that you believe.” (T-24.2: 1-5)

And my willingness has been enough (and really, all I have to offer, it turns out).

I have become willing to see ~ and allow my real thoughts, of which I can’t define, but do observe through relationships ~in peace and joy and oneness.

The need to think I think, to define, to plan, etc. has eased up. And it has become more automatic to come to life with an ‘open mind’ and empty hands.

Alas~ so much lovelier ~

(…and of course these thoughts don’t mean any thing …but, ah, I do love this feeling, sharing them with you)

You are my thought of love, forever and ever ~

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

~seeing /perceiving lesson 9

Lesson 9:

“I see nothing as it is now…”

While considering this a.m.’s lesson, the following passages from the text spoke out to me. Sharing them now seems apropos …

“Thoughts begin in the mind of the thinker, from which the reach outward. This is as true of God’s Thinking as it is of yours. Because your mind is split, you can perceive as well as think. Yet perception cannot escape the basic laws of mind. You perceive from your mind and project you perceptions outward.” (T-6.11.9: 1-5)

“What you project or extend is real for you.”(T. 7.11.2: 4)

”…what you project of extend is up to you, but you must do one or the other, for that is the law of mind, and you must look in before you look out. As you look in, you choose the guide for seeing (ego or Holy Spirit). And then you look out and behold his witnesses. (T-12.VII.7: 1-3)

It’s so true that everything in this world reinforces itself. It does, as well, I am seeing, when the state of mind is Heaven. Part of the very foundation of the Course, referred to, as a fundamental law of the mind, is, that “ideas leave not their source.” So, the content of God’s thought is Love and we are the extension of that Love. Here, within the dream of separation, the content of the ego thought system starts with separation and can only separate; the split mind can only split. So, this dynamic is called projection when it reflects the ego, which in contrast to the dynamic belonging to spirit, which is extension. It has seemed to my split mind that it has been relatively easy to grasp this concept, theoretically. But then, as I have given myself over more and more to the miracle, and suspended ‘knowing or understanding’ what anything means, long enough for a new interpretation, I have experienced the validity of these two exclusive systems. The miracle reveals itself as a new perception in a myriad of ways. Everything I thought mattered, thought I valued, thought was significant, no longer exists. Let alone the passionate ‘right’-ness I felt about it all and felt required to have. I can hardly remember, nor relate to that reality. Only the vaguest shadow of this self-importance remains; always useful as a symbol to unite through forgiveness.

I am united with you as the Love, which created us as Love…forever, always, now…

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

~Lesson 8 musings~

Lesson 8:

My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts...

I have noticed that thoughts happen ~ It is futile to attempt to try to control them. Through practicing the principles of the Course, and observing ‘my’ seeming thoughts, I see that the only choice is “purpose”. Either the never-ending borage of past thoughts, (or nothingness); accompanied by the background feeling of urgency, anxiety, guilt, fear, need to control, prepare, plan ~ (in other words ~ separation). Even the so- called ‘happy thoughts’ have this low under-current.

Or, I choose to allow the Holy Spirit to think for me. I am happily aware of this choice due to the obvious absence of the above listed set of feeling ‘background music’. Rather, a song of joy, certainty and trust, a sense of One tapestry…released from the burden of ‘separate’ things, situations, people, problems and solutions, of having to know, understand, solve, ‘do the right thing’. With the Holy Spirit we can’t but do the right thing~ and, trust will settle everything, now…


Monday, January 7, 2008

Lesson 7:

I see only the past…

As sat with today’s lesson, I was flooded with awareness of miracles that have come to me throughout my years with the Holy Spirit guiding me, and ACIM being a primary tool. This is how these thoughts laid out…

I see only the past… Yes, so true, if I rely on my physical eyes to see and ‘their’ guide to interpret… what a racket that is, eh?

The concept “PAST” is a storehouse of ideas and meanings that alleviate me of any responsibility to “NOW”. (Minor detail: keep this ‘private thought’ away from awareness). This storehouse is like the ego drug dealer’s place. A place where I can always get a fix for a ‘price’ and my willingness to do this is the ‘detour into hell. From this place, meaning has no value, only the distraction from ‘NOW’. By ordering all thought, ideas and meanings into hierarchies I can deceive myself into thinking I know something about this world and that my assessment is RIGHT. (Keep secret from myself one small detail: there is no world). And each time the armor cracks and the unknown light shines through ~ blinding me in my rightness~ the seductive consoling voice of my ‘dealer’ speaks, “Quick take a fix – set it all right again…don’t wait to see what the light shows, it’s blinding you! Come back in here where it’s cool and dark and you.”

The ego made roles (roles that have seemed mean so much, at times) to contain what cannot BE contained. They are but concepts, garments made to cloak the belief in private thoughts and private minds. The responsibility I NOW accept is for the state of mind God Wills for us as the Christ: ~PEACE~.

The past is very much like a past memory marquee that repeats until we learn to transcend it. I have noticed that as my desire for joining and union has become more consistently singular, I, we, together, are released from the past and thus released from the illusory consequences, which we once believed, were true. Ultimately, at the core, everyone wants to love and be loved. When we relinquish judgment, we at last open to the experience of True Love. True Love and Freedom ~ one in the same. Freedom is the state of mind that we can only experience when the past has gone. And this happens when we give what we seem to see over to the Holy Spirit to show us what we see...Christ Vision sees all things as reflections of thought in this very moment~ Love is Now!! ~With no past judgments distracting the mind, the miracle of Love is seen ~ NOW!

~ I am joined with you in the eternal NOW, always ~

Sunday, January 6, 2008


“I am upset because I see something that is not there”....

With out exception, this has been the case for me. I am seeing a reflection of my mind… always. The Course says that the outside world is a reflection of an inward condition… and this has truly been my experience, the more I have given myself over to the Holy Spirit for the miracle over-haul, the more different every thing, person or situation appears to me than it did when looked as from the eyes that see a problem to fix. The miracle shows there is no problem that hasn’t already been solved and is playing out such that ‘all thing work together for good’… And since there isn’t anything out there, whatever I think I am seeing ‘out there’, I put there. It is my projection, and from my dream and the ‘out there-ness’ is my chance to see what I have denied ~what I have projected. I can see it because of the Light of Christ, within all~ joined in the One perspective (forgiveness or the Atonement principle), which we all share. The more I look at everything and everyone ‘out there’ through this One perspective, the more I realize that ‘seeing’ is only valuable once I have given all I think I see over to this idea. And that cracks open my defenses and allows the Holy Spirit within my mind to ‘show me’ what is there~and what it is for…

I am joined with you in this perspective and the ‘Happy Dream’ is on…

Always and forever~