“I am upset because I see a meaningless world”…
What keeps going through my mind is how true it is that all my upset is really due to my resistance to resting in meaninglessness, having ask the Holy Spirit for meaning; “What is this? What is it for?” and then waiting in patience, in the eternal present for meaning to be written for me…as the lesson says, “What is meaningless is neither good nor bad. Why, then, should a meaningless world upset you? If you could accept the world as meaningless and let the truth be written upon it for you, it would make you indescribably happy. But because it is meaningless, you are impelled to write upon it what you would have it be. It is this you see in it. It is this that is meaningless in truth. Beneath your words is written the Word of God.”
I notice the compulsion to assign meaning ~ The Course says the ego speaks first and loudly~ will I question what I hear? A few years ago, as I began to really be honest with myself, I came to see that I really didn’t care about anything in this ‘world’. It really didn’t matter to me how things went, or what situations seemed to be…I could wait and see…and…this is when I began to notice how vigilant the voice for the ego was in my mind; always on a mission to assign meaning ~ the lengths it would go to convince me I ‘should’ care about this, that…something, anything… It’s my life we’re talkin’ about here after all , isn’t it. Is it? I noticed that if I took orders from and acted on the compulsion, the ‘thing’ did seem real and something I did care about going a certain way. And the world felt real indeed, and eventually led to my feeling small; ‘not significant enough’ to make any impact. This in turn left me feeling exhausted… And, paradoxically, open once again, to choose again. This in turn, brought me back to a state of peace. So it turns out, the “not caring” is a very high state. One in which the burden of this world of form and consequence, is lifted. It can’t but go the way it’s meant to. The script is written…. I but choose to see with love or fear; with trust or worry; alone or as One Mind… So once I choose with the Holy Spirit within my mind, I find, I don’t really care at all about what seemingly goes on. I don’t really believe it real…all that really matters is the happy exchange of love surrounding me~ the opportunity to extend love, the call for love and hear it for what it really is…love~ It is all the same…all the same…only love matters. Love is what we are, after all… Only love… and the mechanism of forgiveness is the instrument which returns me to my right mind. So, one could say, that it turns out ‘forgiveness offers everything we want’.
So now, when I notice the compulsion to assign meaning, (one can easily tell by the loss of peace, a sort of free floating restlessness), more often than not, before I make it real, make it matter, decide what to ‘do’ about it, (or more quickly, anyway), I simply forgive what never really happened and see beyond to the call for love. Then simply ask… wait, and listen for the Truth… and ahhh…peace. I see the truth reflected all around me, springing from the well of peace deep within me. And my mind is open to a different world. And from here, I watch… I see how every one is doing their part, and gratitude abounds. Just like the lesson today says, “The truth upsets you now, but when your words have been erased, you will see His. That is the ultimate purpose of these exercises.” So there it is… Thank you my brothers who are one with me ~ ‘sailin’ peacefully on Love ~