Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Lesson 101:

“God's Will for me is perfect happiness…”

God's Will for me is perfect happiness… There is no sin; it has no consequence… God’s Will for me is perfect happiness… This is the truth, because there is no sin…

Ya know, when I first began my so-called journey with the Course, I had this idea that I thought of sin as this old religious construct used to control and manipulate vulnerable individuals looking for some promise of a ‘better life ~ even if they could only get it after death. I remember thinking about the whole catholic inquisition thing as well as the design of the theology I was raised in: “Control of the masses by way of impossible rules and constant fear of retribution, the dampening of joy by way of guilt, the terror of justice… quite ingenious really”. I did not see my self as personally connected to this thought system (degree of separation), as a matter of fact I sort of fancied myself as above this as only the ignorant, the ‘sheep’, could buy into such a mind-game---

Now, I mention this because of how hilarious this was in the face of how I worshiped the god of guilt constantly, and made not one choice without consulting him for assignment of consequences for the living of my so-called life. Mine was a world in which I kept my little secret-self from the witness of ‘the others’. I brought it daily to the altar of this harsh, unrelenting, god. Dutifully I returned again and again. I couldn’t have escaped sin’s huge tentacles; there was nowhere to run, his sentinels were in every situation and relationship. With each choice, I knelt before the justice due my unworthiness… augh…

Hell, I couldn’t even escape into chemicals~ for just a second’s relief from the constant bearing down of judgment, without the inevitable shame the ‘losers’ share; the ‘punishment’ which meted out fresh wound upon the scars of self-loathing, the ‘scarlet letter’ for being danét. No, nothing was sacred it all belonged to him, the god of sin.

Now, I’m not saying I was full on aware of this at the time, who could dare to look on this while believing its reality and not just wanna kill themselves? Come to think of it, that is exactly how I felt when did look square in the face, upon this belief (as square as my self honesty could at the time). ~Actually, acutely, that is what it came to for me. Death to my so-called life, rather than suffer one more inquisition with the elders of guilt and shame and punishment and suffering. The entire towel had to be thrown in… completely….

And I thought I was living a ‘happy’ life. ~That’s the thing. Denial can become a very good friend. His companions include: distractions, rules for being a good friend, ways to be special, good deeds, ways to do it ‘right’ next time, things I ‘could have said ~ that I’ll say next time, great ideas for building a better future ~hell, for building a better self. Sort of like “Cosmo” or “Allure” magazine; complete with to do lists, wishful thinking ~idealistic hopefulness, my own personal bag of tricks and definitely the ”brighter” future. I did my best to align myself with these mighty companions, but inevitably the sentinels of darkness would seek me out and filet me before my god…. Till finally, I tossed in the towel ~left my toys, and went Home…

Sin is such an interesting concept, is it not? So all pervasive, in the background of every story, built into the very fabric by which we structure ourselves, our societies, countries, worlds. Actually the entire time/space cosmos is dependent on it; complete with seasons, and night and day and ‘proper purposes’ and uses for everything. Quite spectacular is this whole blueprint. Ingenious? Yes. Inspired? I think not. Ingenuity is the trademark of the ego. It has no creative capabilities at all. It can mimic creation at best, and scare one into believing it can destroy it, at worst. What if none of this were real?

What if the ache deep within, the longing for perfect happiness; where no sign of the reality of sin could be recognized, what if the call of love to love that we always feel deep beyond our psyche and body and the world were the real thing? What if we were wrong about the very core of life itself, just simply mistaken? Certainly, we’ve had plenty of nightmares that seemed real enough, that when awaken from brought not only relief but also a perspective of their lucidity… What if this so-called life where ideas like sin, opposition, night and day, was but just one of those? What if it is all just an idea mistakenly believed and which fathered a dream world?

Reason tells us that the Creator of all that is must be the fabric of its creation, that ideas leave not their source, and nothing could be apart from itself. If God is love, how could sin be real?

In the beginning of the text of the Course, Jesus details out the process of forgetting truth and believing illusion. Here’s what it says:

~ First, you believe that what God created can be changed by your own mind.

~ Second, you believe that what is perfect can be rendered imperfect or lacking.

~ Third, you believe that you can distort the creations of God, including yourself.

~ Fourth, you believe that you can create yourself, and that the direction of your own creation is up to you. (click here to read the whole section)

One of the gifts that working in a psych-ward gave me was to show me that what appeared completely insane to everyone else around, could be absolutely real to the person experiencing it; things like voices heard, the so-called facts of a situation, let alone what the characters were doing and what their motives were, this person could be absolutely certain of their reality and sanity. Their ‘reality’ was absolutely as real as ‘the nose on your face’, to the person experiencing it. We didn’t call them liars. We quietly diagnosed them, insane... Even mere neurosis, which we could laughingly agree we all shared at some level, could become so real to the one believing it, as to totally twist the perception of the person involved so they could hardly recognize the facts when looked squarely at them. The Course gives this definition of sin: Sin is insanity. It is the means by which the mind is driven mad, and seeks to let illusions take the place of truth. And being mad, it sees illusions where the truth should be, and where it really is”. Sounds familiar, eh?
All I ever wanted was to be happy. It’s true for all of us, oui? God’s Will for us is perfect happiness… So our happiness must be so, guaranteed by God. It is already ours. So, sin cannot possibly be real since happiness and misery have no meeting ground and cannot coexist.
When I desired happiness with my whole heart, it became mine wholeheartedly and has remained with me consistently. It is never not there. Even when the play and all its characters get really intense, happiness watches through my vision, from my seat above the battleground, recognizing the call for love as what it is ~the opportunity to forgive and allow the unity of love. My experience is that, once the decision to accept the Atonement for oneself has been unreservedly made, we experience the joy of our Father’s Will for us, already present, in full bloom, joyously awaiting full expression ~ happiness is our experience of constant joy that soundtracks our steady waking-up, by way of forgiveness and acceptance of the Atonement… We experience it by giving up the desire for something anything else. There is no sin; it has no consequences… Now that’s the truth, isn’t it. It doesn’t even leave any room for questioning… Huh, funny how that goes, and such a belly laugh for those of us who sought to ‘figure it all out.’
Laugh with me a while ~ we can all agree there is nothing like a really good laugh, to set things feeling right as rain, n’est pas… And let us listen to the soundtrack of joy given us because it is God’s Will, to move to the rhythm of our lives, today, in perfect happiness… Thanks for the dance ~

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