Monday, April 23, 2007

Lesson 114:

Am Spirit

I am the Son of God.

NO body can contain my spirit,

Nor impose on me a limitation

God created not.

I will accept my part in God’s plan for salvation.

What can my function be but to accept the Word of God,

Who has created me for what I am and will forever be?

No definition of Spirit really ever fit just right or that made sense to me prior to A Course in Miracles. I always felt it was somehow very real yet indefinable. Something I was reaching for, not within. I am ~ because I AM SPIRIT. It is my being.

We’ve all got a story, and here’s one about this particular mock-up, labeled Danét, in early life span, viewed from the detachment of forgiveness. So it seems almost foreign, remembering this little girl’s thinking, like watching an old rerun. Humph. Anyway here goes…

I grew up believing… I’m not sure believing is the right word here. Let’s just say I was trying to believe, or at least trying to understand, yet not sure why I never felt like I really ‘got it’. Here’s how I saw it.

God created the world in 7 days, (that’s in God days, by the way). Anyway, I was never sure, (because, I think, of the confusion element necessary to seduction)… So, after He was done with the earth and all the animals and stuff, he thought, “Hey, how about something in my own image?” Which was male, Caucasian, Anglo-sax, …yes? So was man an afterthought? Anyhow, after that primary model was done, God thought, “My guy needs a companion”. Now was this so he wouldn’t be lonely? I don’t think they every really took a mark on this one. But I kind of thought it was to have someone to do the stuff he didn’t have time for our didn’t like doing, that God had designed into life on this earth, so he made a different model, which was more suited for these things, including the filling of the lonely place. So these two models sort of ended up being like a puzzle body with two pieces that fit together perfectly.

Okay, so when the models were done God breathed life into them. This was, I guess, what spirit was. It was some illusive life force that was subject to the destiny of the decisions the model made, for its salvation.

I personally felt ill equipped. For instance, I pieced it together in my mind that this male-female thing was why of the ‘special’ marriage part and of all the other stuff I learned about as it went along, stuff like ‘special’ covenants that one has to become worthy of in order to get into the ‘special’ part of Heaven. And if your model went to far wrong, well, you were doomed to never be with God…(Was this just your punishment for not getting good at the game?)

This is the thing, I was never really able to piece the whole picture together and have it come out looking or feeling like an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving God. Instead, it looked sort of like one big crapshoot, to me. With no guarantee as to where the roll of the dice would land. (I never got that game, either, by the way).

So spirit had very little relevance to me in my little world. Here’s the thing… it seemed you would you only get to be ‘special’ if you ‘got it’. What if you weren’t sure? I wasn’t. Does the ‘special’ magic still work, if it’s real? And what if it’s not?

Hoping that what someone else believes is true is a pretty sad foundation to build a life on, I decided… So I guess I wasn’t sure where the idea Spirit was in my life. I hadn’t tossed it out. I guess I always felt it was somehow present, though I couldn’t comprehend it form the premise from which I was doing my life, which at the time included a lot of behavior-mod by way of guilt… Still, I felt something must be guiding my life in someway, saving me from myself. Nothing I studied or learned about was really a hit for me, close but not direct on. Only the need to seek it… that was a constant…

When I found A Course in Miracles, I had an instantaneous sense of recognition ~of what you might call finding my Self within its pages. I got a sense of gradually redefining myself as Spirit without this even being my goal at all. I was coming at the Course in an attempt to gain knowledge of the workings of the universe and to have God present in my life in a way that I could utilize. I wanted a personal relationship with God and wanted to feel worthy of it.

Somehow, for once in my life, at least most of the time, I just let the Course speak to me and let the information settle within me wherever it could. I seemed to be aware on some level that I couldn’t analyze what it said or what it meant. So, mostly, I just showed up to it when I could let myself and took in what I could make room for within my belief structure of survival. ~It was a luxury.~My belief structure found more and more space available for it. And my sense of Spirit, being what I am in truth, occupied a larger and larger space within my mind.

There was a while I resisted completely, although I couldn’t see it for what it was at the time. It looked like wanting more… adding to… I saw this as a good thing at the time. (silly ego ~ trix are for kids). What I also didn’t realize it at the time, was that I was I was giving myself over to the feeling I was accomplishing something, taking credit for ‘doing it right’. I started subtly taking credit for how good I was feeling. And this is where I started getting lost for a while. Yet, at the time, I was blind to this, I wanted more. I wanted my life, and god to be my magic genie.

I see now the obvious sign: I had placed my belief in the ego on my alter instead of God. I had begun listening to the ego voice within my mind.

I now look at this as kind of craving or temptation, as just a symptom of the authority issue which, although already been answered in truth, is very much up for my forgiveness, as my part in God’s plan for salvation. However, coming to that, was a painful act of resistance to Self through violent death attempts on myself.

I know that sound dramatic but its how it was for me, when I forgot I was the dreamer of the dream, for a while. It’s only dramatic within the dream after all, and the dream is, after all, just a dramatization of how to kill God’s Son an infinite number of ways, without his realizing it? Isn’t it?

Now here’s salvation… It’s all about realizing this simple fact: ‘I have done this unto myself. I am the dreamer of this dream’. I am Spirit. I am the Son of God. No body can contain my spirit, nor impose on me a limitation God created not… He Created His Son complete and wholly loving and lovable as Himself. Nothing could ever tamper with what God has Willed, nor cover over or render it in some way other than what he created. God Wills for me perfect happiness. This is reality. Noting real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exits… here in lies the peace of God. If we think we see some else, we are dreaming. Period. Accepting the atonement for myself means, I recognize I am the dreamer of the dream and this puts me in a position to ‘choose once again’ to hear only the call for love and forgive all images of other-nesses. This is my part… I will accept my part in God’s plan for salvation… What can my function be but to accept the Word of God, Who has created me for what I am and will forever be?

Salvation is yielding fully to the truth that we are Spirit. We accept our part in God’s plan for salvation, accepting everyone and everything exactly as they are. Spirit reveals the eternal tapestry, and we recognize that which is eternal is unchanged, unchanging, and unchangeable. Spirit understands that no manipulation of circumstances, or acquisition of more, or self- improvement is necessary to "attain" the peace and happiness that is available NOW. The Kingdom of Heaven not only at hand, it is NOW. The Kingdom of Heaven is us. How could we not want do our Fathers Will once we see the truth of what we are, united as One.

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