~opening through the determination to see, lesson 21~

Lesson 21:

“I am determined to see things differently…”

This is, after all, what it’s all about, isn’t it. I see/experience this mind-training Course applying itself progressively to “me” ~ I have become increasingly fine-tuned to the more and more subtle recesses of ‘private’ thoughts’ / ‘private feelings’.
Even the slightest irritation, or preference, seems intolerable to my peace of mind… And only total release to the Holy Spirit suffices.
I have learned (the hard way) this can only be done through complete honesty on my part and looking with the Holy Spirit squarely upon the seeming upset in my mind. When I do~ Always ~without exception ~I see it differently.
Chapter 7 in the text really addresses this beautifully:
"The Holy Spirit teaches one lesson, and applies it to all individuals in all situations. Being conflict-free, He maximizes all efforts and all results. By teaching the power of the Kingdom of God Himself, He teaches you that all power is yours. Its application does not matter. It is always maximal. Your vigilance does not establish it as yours, but it does enable you to use it always and in all ways. (T-7.III.1-6)
It depends on your mind, and as you made it by believing in it, so you can dispel it by withdrawing belief from it. Do not project the responsibility for your belief in it onto anyone else, or you will preserve the belief. When you are willing to accept sole responsibility for the ego's existence you will have laid aside all anger and all attack, because they come from an attempt to project responsibility for your own errors. But having accepted the errors as yours, do not keep them. Give them over quickly to the Holy Spirit to be undone completely, so that all their effects will vanish from your mind and from the Sonship as a whole. (T-7.VIII.5)

Ideas and beliefs I was totally unaware that I was signed on for (and would have actively argued against owning) continue to reveal themselves to me as I become increasingly aware and accepting of the fact that ‘they are all the same’. They are separation…
~Love thinks me, I notice~ and whenever I’m not thinking, planning, judging, etc. ~it is there, always, already. Even the little willingness to suspect I could be ‘wrong’ about the particular ‘mark’ or seeming understanding I find myself standing on at any given moment ~that is enough…
The Course teaches from two levels: 1) the metaphysical non-dual ‘Reality’. Which is the theoretical background from which the Course takes it metaphorical and symbolic reference for 2)the practical (mind-training) aspect designed to reach us ‘where we think we are’, in the seemingly dualistic universe of us and others.
I mention this because of my own experience in working with the Course. Which has been often a good example of attempting to bring truth to illusion and I have (certainly through my good intentions) misinterpreted much of it~ to justify ego pursuits (seems obvious to me, now) ~this has not mattered.
As a matter of fact, the Course is designed accordingly. Of course the wrong-mind ‘we’ will misinterpret, reframe, misuse what it says. That is its survival. And the forgiveness of the very same, is salvation. YEAH!
I love this yummy passage in the text in chapter 25, which beckons me now, addressing this very thing:
“Since you believe that you are separate, Heaven presents itself to you as separate, too. Not that it is in truth, but that the link that has been given you to join the truth may reach to you through what you understand. Father and Son and Holy Spirit are as One, as all your brothers join as one in truth. Christ and His Father never have been separate, and Christ abides within your understanding, in the part of you that shares His Father's Will. The Holy Spirit links the other part-the tiny, mad desire to be separate, different and special-to the Christ, to make the oneness clear to what is really one. 6 In this world this is not understood, but can be taught.
The Holy Spirit serves Christ's purpose in your mind, so that the aim of specialness can be corrected where the error lies. Because His purpose still is one with both the Father and the Son, He knows the Will of God and what you really will. But this is understood by mind perceived as one, aware that it is one, and so experienced. It is the Holy Spirit's function to teach you how this oneness is experienced, what you must do that it can be experienced, and where you should go to do it.
All this takes note of time and place as if they were discrete, for while you think that part of you is separate, the concept of a Oneness joined as One is meaningless. It is apparent that a mind so split could never be the Teacher of a Oneness which unites all things within Itself. And so What is within this mind, and does unite all things together, must be its Teacher. Yet must It use the language that this mind can understand, in the condition in which it thinks it is. And It must use all learning to transfer illusions to the truth, taking all false ideas of what you are, and leading you beyond them to the truth that beyond them”. (T-25.I.5-7)

Even when visited with apparent clarity, I have often held to my belief in specialness~ my judgment that I ‘should be doing it perfectly’, if I really cared, ~if I really wanted to wake up, I wouldn’t forget. I wouldn’t judge. I wouldn’t desire something else…blah, blah, blah… Then I remember: “The distractions of the ego may seem to interfere with your learning, but the ego has no power to distract you unless you give it the power to do so. The ego's voice is an hallucination. You cannot expect it to say "I am not real." Yet you are not asked to dispel your hallucinations alone. You are merely asked to evaluate them in terms of their results to you. If you do not want them on the basis of loss of peace, they will be removed from your mind for you.” (T-8.I.2-4)
And when I wholly remember~ peace is restored. And nothing has really happened at all…

It has been a poignant lesson in level confusion. And an excellent specimen of the ego at work ~what the Course refers to as the ego being “suspicious at least and vicious at worst”… none of this has mattered… all of it forgiven… and behind it I hear in the echoes- the cosmic belly laugh- in symphony with the ‘forgotten song’ of joy… can’t you hear it now…

…ah, the determination to see things differently… one purpose, unified and sure… what Joy ~