Review II lesson 81~

Review II lesson 81:
I am the light of the world…
How holy am I, who have been given the function of lighting up the world. Let met be still before my holiness…. and in its peace, remember who I am…
This experience of the being the light, the very light of the world, was one taken on faith, until the recognition of Self dawned. Vision and light are one. By following, implementing through practicing the ‘procedure’ for awakening, which is flawlessly designed and laid-out in A Course in Miracles, one sees that the inner and the outer are one in the same… In fact, I, as light, am the reason all is not darkness…
For me, pulling out of the addiction of ‘physical sight’(which is a representation of interpretation at best) and into the experience of being with the ‘unknown’ within the mind was a leap of faith. I sensed the ‘truth’ was available to me through this book ACIM, and I wanted it. I wanted the answer… I wanted peace… I wanted God… The words, of course, weren’t different than the language I was familiar with. The way they were used was. And the meaning was completely beyond I could comprehend at the time. And in the beginning I wasn’t really sure how utterly "out of this world" my experience really was. I was sure I was having an experience I had never had before. A deep sense of homecoming seemed to suck me inward and at the same time, pull me toward some kind of meaning. And yet I couldn’t really put my finger on it… It was a feeling somewhat like remembering something really important.
Reading the Course gave me such a feeling of peace and contentment. I noticed I was reading it with faith… not really trying the ‘understand’ it so much, but allowing it to carry me along… I felt a new kind of trust developing. As I began the ‘practical application’ aspect of the course, through the lessons and experience the basic integration of the material, I began to see the dynamics of the addictive mechanism employed by the ego to keep me from actually implementing the principles of the course in my life.
The ego would allow me plenty of “ahha” moments and a prideful sense of “getting it’, but there was always a distraction~ always something I had to do~ always ‘too busy”~ always forgetting. There were addictions I had to address, a life to build: you know, bigger, stronger, faster and all that. Then there was the guilt for what I judged as weakness, not being sincere, ‘obviously not caring enough’… always interpreting rather than ‘seeing’. Still, I simply couldn’t deny that some kind of transformation was taking place inside me and I would return to the course and it’s principles as soon as I could. Often as I did the lessons, I was sure I wasn’t ‘getting it’ or I wasn’t sure what I was ‘supposed’ to be experiencing and if what I was experiencing, I was just making up…. Well, yeah…that’s what the mind does…
I remember approaching a lesson or a review group (which is probably why this came to mind today~ beginning a new review) with a plan to get it right. What I noticed was how very resistant to peace I really was… I never would have guessed. (The first obstacle to peace ~the desire to get rid of it) It was very difficult for me to be present and I had all kinds of ideas of what that was (I was wrong, incidently). The compulsion to distract was overwhelming at first. And yet the desire to return again and again was undeniable... And I would, again and again.
Forgiveness is my function as the light of the world… It feels good to forgive~ to look with the Holy Spirit past the false and see only Christ...
I notice everywhere I go, people want to love, want a chance to move beyond defense and express the love that they are. Lighting the world through forgiveness, I notice, brings this chance around…
Turns out, the light is what I am. Sinking back behind all the definitions and physical proofs of light, into my mind allowes me to begin to experience the light, as it is, always, already there within me, shining meaning. Ultimately light IS… When the blocks to loves awareness were forgiven, the darkness goes… In sinking inward, to that still point of light at the center of my mind, from which I draw out the world …and then sinking still further where the still point is all there is and light is the embodiment of being, I realize a Holy Self, at one with my brothers already, and one with my Creator. Now, from this place, this quiet stillness I rest, and from there another world is drawn and out pictured…
Forgiveness is our function as the Light of the word … it’s a beautiful sight in gratitudes glow...