~review 1 with love~

Review I~ Lesson 51:

I love the review sections of the workbook ~
The first few years of working with the Course and lessons found taking the review time as an experience of my feeling that if I didn’t get it perfectly the first time around, I was given another chance at integrating the ideas and allowing the miracle perception shift that always results. (As if there is anything but more chances, till all is returned inevitably to Love)Then, inexorably I noticed, there was another purpose as well (less indicative of ‘my’ private thoughts) ~a purpose of purpose. I began to see the cohesiveness of the Course’s thought system~ in practice~ systematic practical reversal~ each idea looping back on the whole …
Not just in theory, in the experience of my life. This awareness deepens as I do and as my willingness allows. It’s so inspiring how utterly thorough the deconstruction of a seeming “REALITY” is systematically approached, exposed and dismantled from a seemingly alien, yet indubitably compelling perspective. I began to feel (and I still do, I notice) that I couldn’t wait for the next one…You know like when you’re taking a class that’s just really interesting, helpful and exciting… or when you just fell in love… how you just can’t wait to experience the next thing and you don’t want the one you’re experiencing to ever end?!!! That’s sorta what developed for me.
I felt that, as excruciating as it was to look at how my petty, loser attempt at making a ‘great me’ was a complete failure, somehow ~ this was turning out to be a ‘good’ thing… go figure…
Also, meanwhile, I could never really shake this feeling that I had something ‘really important’ to get back to when I was out and about doing my so-called life. Even when I was completely ‘whacked’ (and lord knows there’s been a lot of that) ~ I was haunted by the feeling that there was something I knew –something I needed to get back to that would take me out the seeming nightmarish ‘reality’ I'd trapped myself in; to frightened to believe any thing (least of all myself) was worth the devotion beckoning my attention… So, I offered the best I could at the time, every time… IT HAS BEEN ENOUGH.
Turns out, the curriculum of A Course in Miracles was designed for minds just like mine. Matter of fact, that is why it was designed… And the more involvement I have with it; the ‘d e e p e r the rabbit-hole goes’… into the silence from which I came.
Inevitably it dawns… that It really is an inside job; the mistaken thought of take-over, the cover-up, the imagined world, the necessity of ‘belief’ … Also though ~Heaven~ not effected by this dream at all ~ that too is from within and it is nothing like any thing I could have ever imagined. It is the total surrender of ‘thinking we know’ to ‘not knowing’, in order ‘to know’, which is just the natural course of undoing/remembering; of seeing, of thinking, of creating…
Seeming meaning ~no meaning ~ meaning, etc. … and round and round it goes…
I naturally began viewing the dream of “my” so-called life, not as a player (or even the hero) anymore, but as the dreamer of the dream where ‘making’ can seem to replace creating and concoct the impossible, that in a thought system of smoke and mirrors, can actually appear real… Yet, that is what appearance is for, yes? Here’s the merry-go-round:
Nothing I see means anything, since, after all, I see NOTHING, and nothing has no meaning. So apparently I felt l needed to give meaning to my so-called life and I have given what I see all the meaning it has for me. I have judged everything I look upon, and it is this and only this I see. Therefore, I do not understand anything I see. What I see is the projection of my own errors of thought. So of course, I do not understand what I see because it’s not understandable. Who can trust thoughts like that ~shifting and changing with the tides of emotions and personal identification? Thank God ~these thoughts do not mean anything. Given that as a character in the dream, my awareness is only of the dream, itself, the thoughts of which I am aware do not mean anything because I am trying to think without God. What I call "my" thoughts are not my real thoughts. And, thank God, my real thoughts are the thoughts I think with God. And they are still in my mind, creating without interruption through my connection with my Creator~
It’s just that when I am identified with the script/dream, I am not aware of them because I have made my thoughts to take their place …
So my apparent feelings are not the truth either because they are fathered by the thoughts I made to replace creation.
It’s quite spectacular to see this all dispassionately and chuckle in amusement ~being detached from its seeming ‘reality’ …
For instance; all seeming upsets~ really aren’t…since I am never upset for the reason I think because I am constantly trying to justify my thoughts. Don’t you hate that! ~ Constantly trying to make the untrue true… impossible task, yet built within the system of the mad idea of separation~
We make all things our enemies, so that anger is justified and attacks are warranted and we find ‘we hurt the ones we “love” and we always attack ourselves in the end’. Funny how lines like this, stick with you and make millions in songs and Hallmark cards…
There is another way of Looking at the world… THIS IS THAT OTHER WAY… at least for one writing this right now… and through the experience rendered from willingness to choose to be shown ‘that other way’… From there the Holy Spirit can guide through the careful study of the Course’ theology, psychology, methodology and the consistent practice of the practical exercises to be implemented for the forgiving all of it…and … wa la… ONE VISION!
The vision of Christ sees us through the ‘journey without distance to the place we never left’, gathering (re-member-ing) mighty companions along the way. All meaning is given us by the One Who Knows ~turns out we are the One… thank you for hangin’ out with me on this seeming journey.
Love and gratitude overflowing ~