Lesson 69~ contemplationshare~

Lesson 69:
My grievances hide the light of the world in me...
God is the light in which I see, creating me like Himself and I am still as God created me ~to be the light of the world extending Gods light and love…Therefore, I am the light in which I see…
This is the Truth that I denied …
When I consider my so-called life and world of seeming ‘reality’, it’s wild to consider that the ‘secret elusive self’, I sought to keep concealed from exposure to this so-called harsh and misunderstanding world, (clearly a judgment/grievance, I held against it), was actually the light of the world, and my salvation. I know that’s a mouthful, yet so very true… I actually believed my salvation rested in keeping secret what I judged ‘others’ would judge, wouldn’t approve of, etc. The principle is the same, what I conceal; no one can look upon… I didn’t, of course, realize at the time, that there was no such thing as private minds. That what can’t be shared, does not exist at all. What my grievances concealed was the availability to see at all…
I’m thinking about the early part of the text in chapter 7; an excellent standard by which to assess the current state of our ‘reality’, this is what it says:
“Consider the kingdom you have made and judge its worth fairly. Is it worthy to be a home for a child of God? Does it protect his peace and shine love upon him? Does it keep his heart untouched by fear, and allow him to give always, without any sense of loss? Does it teach him that this giving is his joy, and that God Himself thanks him for his giving? That is the only environment in which you can be happy. You cannot make it, any more than you can make yourself. It has been created for you as you were created for it. God watches over His children and denies them nothing. Yet when they deny Him they do not know this, because they deny themselves everything. You who could give the Love of God to everything you see and touch and remember, are literally denying Heaven to yourself…” (T-7.XI.3)
Holding a grievance is such a horrible feeling… makes me want to puke (literally in the past). It is a total punishment in and of itself. For me it has been intolerable… What a relief I never have to feel it again. Here’s the question, “Do I want to know my Father’s Will for me?” ~ YES! ~ And only yes is the answer. This handles all temptations to wander down the primrose path of perceived past, revisited. After all, the end of the journey proceeds, yes? One begins to recognize we “have reached the end of an ancient journey, not realizing yet that it is over…
” It is this idea of grievance as the foundation, which seems to materialize and make solid the clouds of darkness called the world today’s lesson talks about. Isn’t this just the most yummy exercise? Slipping through the nothingness of the dark clouds of fear, guilt, attack, etc., completely unimpeded, carried along by the very light we are, back to the recognition that only truth is true, experienced as an encompassing lightness, extending. How glorious it is to glimpse the truth. If, even only for an instant, it is enough to draw us back again.
Oh, but ahh… to move in this so-called world from this place of total peace and light~ as the same ~this has been, for me an gift of unspeakable bliss… Can anything really ‘rock –my- world, from this place above the battleground? No! It would require a re-entry into make-believe; a state which I find no longer quite believable in any significant way… the temptation to value ‘specialness”, to hold grievances, is the first cloud to begin to conceal the light… these excerpts from the later chapters of the Course, speak beautifully to this:
“The “reasoning” by which the world is made, on which it rests, by which it is maintained, is simply this: You are the cause of what I do. Your presence justifies my wrath, and you exist and think apart from me. While you attack I must be innocent. And what I suffer from is your attack”…” (T-27.VII.3)
“In your brother you see the picture of your own belief in what the Will of God must be for you. In your forgiveness will you understand His Love for you… Look once again upon you brother, not without the understanding that he is the way to Heaven or to hell, as you perceive him. But forget not this; the role you give to him is given you, and you will walk the way you pointed out to him because it your judgment on yourself”. (T-25.V.6)
“The secret of salvation is but this: That you are doing this unto yourself. No matter what for of attack, this still is true. Whoever takes the role of enemy and of attacker, still is this the truth. Whatever seems to be the cause of any pain and suffering you feel, this is still true. For you would not react at all to figures in a dream you knew that you were dreaming. Let them be as hateful and vicious as the may, they could have no effect on you unless you failed to recognize it is your dream.”
T-27.VIII.10)
This transformation of consciousness; from a world held in secret from my self, by judgment and holding grievances, to one where forgiveness lights my path and peace abides and every where I look I see my Self ~ is beyond my ability to describe, save it to say ~ eternal gratitude.
I never knew just how anorexic my joy had been until I was released. “You have no idea of the tremendous release and deep peace that comes from meeting yourself and your brothers totally without judgment…” (T-3.VI.3) I feel this statement from the Course is present in me, right here, right now… It has been given me to give my Self and I am forever in your debt…